Question:

Dear Ms. Harvell,

I am a special education teacher (9-12) in a very rural community. I have two problems when addressing transition with my students and their parents. The first problem is how I deal with aggressive parents who have demanded excessive modifications for their child (16 years old) through out his education and in turn have created a student that depends on others to do his work for him (parents). He is very unmotivated and expects everything to be given to him and though he could work at a grade appropriate level, he only works at a 6th grade level.

The parents have admitted that they have done too much for their child and now they and their child insist that their child will go to college and become a teacher / coach. Though they do not want any teacher to assign writing assignments unless totally necessary and technically nothing can be graded (spelling, grammar, etc.) Unfortunately, I really do not believe he can make it in college and I do not want his parents to try and sue me because his "transition" was not appropriate.

HELP!!

Next problem, what if the student / parents do not want their child to do anything? "He/she can just stay at home; my husband and I make enough money." I have already tried discussing the "what if something happened to you, independence, etc. Sorry this is so long.

Thank you,

Ms. Win-nell

Answer:

Dear Ms. Win-nell,

What loaded questions! However, you are not the first teacher to deal with this parent issue. Often times, parents make demands without fully understanding the impact on their child’s future life/options. Because of this fact, you may not be successful solving every problem; however, congratulate yourself for tackling this issue rather than ignoring the problem. Do understand that your efforts may not be successful or appreciated. With that said, here are my responses to your concerns.

First concern : dealing with aggressive parents who have created a dependent, unmotivated adolescent

Now that your student is 16, the IDEA 2004 Transition requirement states that an Individual Transition Plan must be developed that includes measurable goals leading to independence. You must, therefore, sit down with the parents and your student and create a plan to address his/her needs. This means that everyone has a role and no amount of planning will be successful unless all the key players are on board. Here is some general information about your role as teacher and the role of the student, and his/her parents.

Teacher: Support your student by providing a variety of activities and experiences that help him/her think/talk about future possibilities. Ongoing conversations could focus on how school (activities and curriculum) connects to work; what your student wants to do after high school; how to problem solve and make choices; and exploration of future living, community access/activities, and laws that protect individuals with disabilities.

Student: Be prepared to identify his/her dreams, goals, interests, and preferences during the IEP meeting. To do this, students needs many opportunities to learn about themselves and the world of work (complete learning style inventories; identify favorite school subjects; participate in career exploration; and listen to guest speakers to learn about different careers).

Parents: Help their child identify dreams, goals, interests, and preferences by talking about future goals; identify activities that help their child accomplish these goals; talk to their child about needed supports (accommodations, people); and involve their child in various community activities (social events, work experiences, recreation/leisure).

You can find more information in the book Transition to Adult Living: A Guide for Secondary Education. It can be downloaded (156 pages) at http://www.cde.ca.gov/sp/se/sr/documents/transitiongde.pdf. This resource highlights topics and links from other sections that are of particular interest and will provide information, resources and support to families of children with disabilities.

Second concern : parents do not want their child to do anything after high school

If the parents are adamant that their child will live with them after high school, there may not be much you can do. However, be sure that you document your efforts through an IEP/ITP. Make sure the IEP/ITP reflects how you and the school district have met your student’s Transition needs in the areas of instruction, community experience, related services, development of employment activities, and daily living skills if appropriate.

Before their child exits your program, ask the parents to think about the following questions:

• Have they included their child in this decision? What does HE/SHE want?

• Is it fair to deny their child the right to be as independent as he/she can be in the future?

• What is their REAL concern? Do they REALLY understand the nature of their child’s disability? Are they afraid he/she will fail to be successful?

• Have they taught him daily living skills? Even if, he/she lives with them, taking care of their own needs is important. Refer them to Adolescent Autonomy Checklists at (http://depts.washington.edu/healthtr/Checklists/home.htm and ask if their child has acquired the necessary living skills listed. Also, refer them to http://www.ericdigests.org/pre-9216/life.htm for a list of life skills mastery for students with special needs.

• What happens if they (parents) incur major health problems that exhaust their financial resources? Who will provide health care for their adult “child”?

• Have they consulted with a financial planner and/or written a will/trust that provides for their adult “child” after their demise? This includes estate planning, finding the right lawyer or knowledgeable financial planner, wills, special-needs trusts, conservator or guardianship, government benefits, savings options, insurance plans, and other available resources.

• Have they read the publication When You Become 18 located at http://www.calbar.ca.gov/calbar/2cbj/02may/index.htm?

I am sure you have done all you can to educate these parents. You probably have other issues/areas to explore, but these questions may start them to begin thinking that their child deserves the opportunity to develop his/her own life, interests, and goals.

Good luck!