Question:

Hello,

I have a 7 year old son in 1st grade. I think he is average to above average in all subjects. I don't believe he has any emotional disabilities.

Today, his teacher told me that he was drawing a picture of the Eiffel tower, which they were studying, and he drew pictures of people falling off the tower. She told him to redo his picture, and he got angry with her. Told her he hated her, then continued to express his anger (verbally) and ended up telling her he wanted to kill her. She mentioned she has talked with the class about drawing inappropriate pictures, and that it's not ok.

He was sent to the principal’s office where he was shown the code of conduct for students in which they are not allowed to physically or verbally insult or hurt other students or teachers. I was told my son was very remorseful, and the teacher felt he received enough continues for the bad behavior. He has also had similar conflicts with the teacher’s aide. They just don't get along.

I do not know what to do to help him stop this behavior. It seems to happen when he gets angry and mostly with teachers.

I would appreciate any suggestions.

Thank you!

Answer:

Thanks for your question. I am going to suggest two books that have great ideas for parenting children who are not mild-mannered, easy-going kinds of kids. Please do not think that this means that there is something seriously wrong with your son. Some kids are born with a temperament and style that just reacts more to situations.

Read:

The Explosive Child Understanding and Helping Easily Frustrated, "Chronically Inflexible" Children by Ross W. Greene, Ph.D.

Good parenting suggestions and imparts an understanding of how it feels to be this kind of child.

The Challenging Child: Understanding, Raising, and Enjoying the Five "Difficult" Types of Children -- by Stanley I. Greenspan, Jacqueline Salmon

Read the sections on Defiant and Active/Aggressive children to see if he fits the descriptors. I have found that most children do not fit exactly into one of his types, but a mix of the parenting strategies may be very helpful.

Both of these books are readily available on-line.

A technique that might be helpful for your son is one used a lot with children with autism. Again, I am not suggesting that your son is autistic. A Social Story™ describes the relevant social cues inherent in a situation, perspectives that they may engender, and common responses using a specifically defined style and format. The goal of a Social Story™ is to impart accurate social information in a reassuring manner. Half of all Social Stories™ developed should affirm something that an individual does well. If you need help in writing one, the speech and language pathologist and/or the school psychologist in your school district may be able to help you. See:

http://www.thegraycenter.org/socialstories.cfm

You can also model for him how you and other family members handle anger. When you are angry, tell him that you are feeling this way, and what you might like to do that may not be acceptable, and what other things you can do instead.

Finally, I would carefully supervise the media he is exposed to. I would seek out the type of books that show children how to solve problems peacefully. Some resources are:

http://childrensbooks.about.com/ and

http://www.thepeacecompany.com/store/cat_books_children.php.

I would also supervise his television viewing, if you don’t already do that, prohibit cartoons and shows that are violent.

Your measured response, which expresses both confidence in your sonyou’re your legitimate concern about his school behavior and anger, will be very helpful in teaching him how to participate in the big world. Getting on this problem early is an excellent predictor of success. Good luck!

Dru