Question:

Dear Ms. Harvell,

My daughter, "Brenda" (not her real name), suffered a brain injury a few years ago at the age of 13. She's now 17. The school is having a meeting to talk about transition and want me to bring her to the meeting. I know what's best for her and feel she doesn't need to be there. Do I have to bring her to the meeting? Oh and I plan to legally become her permanent guardian before she's 18 so no one will take advantage of her as an adult. Can you tell me how to go about doing that?

Thanks very much,

"Dorothy M."

Answer:

Dear Dorothy,

Question 1: Do you have to bring your daughter to a meeting that will discuss transition?

I assume you are referring to the development of your daughter’s Transition Plan. Since she is seventeen and at the doorstep of legally becoming an adult, I would definitely say, yes! The law requires that a student sixteen and older be “invited” to their IEP/Individual Transition Plan meeting. However, if your daughter is unable to attend, then collect and share his/her interests, strengths, challenges, etc. at the meeting.

Don’t you want your daughter to lead her own life to the best of her abilities? Yes? Then, it is important that she begin to experience the transition to adult living by attending and participating in her planning meeting and sharing information about who she is and who she wants to become. Give her the opportunity to learn through her teachers, in the community with you, and eventually in the workplace (supported, volunteer).

The easiest thing for you to do is “speak” for your daughter because you know her better than anyone else. Nevertheless, you need to answer the following questions before you take away or become her “voice”:

• Do you want her to speak for herself once she is an adult?
• Is she physically capable of participating in this meeting? e.g., walks, talks, uses wheelchair, etc.
• Will there be dissention at the meeting that you do not want her to hear?
• Are you afraid she will be uncomfortable and not know what to say?
• Does she talk about what her dreams are, even if they are unrealistic vocationally?
• Does she have a specific interests and/or talent that she constantly talks about?
• What are her strengths and challenges at school and in the community?

Who better to respond to most of these questions than Brenda? Discuss them with Brenda before deciding what is best for her based totally on your feelings.

Research indicates the importance of control of ones life as the key to successful transition to adulthood. Included in the concept of control is self-awareness/knowledge, self-advocacy skills, making decisions, and development of problem solving skills. All of these skills + control will allow your daughter to take charge of her life to the best of her abilities. This may mean you, a caregiver, or others who support her now and in the future, will serve as the support base that promotes Brenda’s independence.

I have just read an article that provided the following timely information to your question. Although it does not specifically address brain injury, apply these points to your daughter independence development.

How Parents Can Guide and Support Transition

“Because successful transition relies on a clear understanding of a young person’s interests, strengths, and areas of struggle, parents play a key role in helping to insure a successful transition for a young person with learning disabilities. With parents’ help, a child can:

• Become more aware of their learning strengths and needs, and use their strengths to overcome or bypass areas of weakness
• Learn to better advocate for themselves in school and work settings, by developing a clear sense of how their strengths contribute to school or work success, and which adaptations or technology increase their effectiveness
• Explore career interests and aptitudes in the “real world,” through volunteer, summer, and part-time work
• Learn to be flexible and persistent, not allowing an occasional set-back or disappointment to throw them off course

A young person’s career path may not always be as direct or smooth as parents would like.  When parents are open and flexible, it provides a young person a valuable opportunity to figure out, through trial and error, which pursuits he’ll find personally satisfying…”  

Linda Broatch, Writer/Editor, M.A. in Education, with a focus in Child development; read the entire article at http://www.schwablearning.org/articles.asp?r=970&g=2

In response to your second question, the best way to know about a subject is to gather as much data as you can. Get proper legal advice and learn about the various degrees of guardian and conservatorships (shared, partial, and total). It may be that you want to have input before your daughter makes any binding agreements. To help you begin your research, read the information at the following web sites that will link you to additional resources on the subject.

http://www.calbar.ca.gov/calbar/2cbj/02may/index.htm

When You Become 18 discusses all aspects of “Age of Majority” issues using student friendly language. This guide includes an area dealing with conservatorship.

http://www.ncset.org/publications/viewdesc.asp?id=318

Age of Majority: Preparing Your Child for Making Good Choices

Look under Conservatorship.

http://www.wpic.org/PDFs/Planning%20for%20a%20Successful%20Life.pdf

Parent Information Center . Article on Planning a Successful Life: Transition Tips for Parents. The following is a pertinent quote from the article dealing with the importance of self-determination:

“One aspect of transition planning the family must consider is how much independence and self-determination is realistic to expect of the individual.

Parents must also decide how much they are willing and able to let go, and allow independence and self-determination. If parents have been thinking and planning for transition, they will have been giving their child opportunities to make choices, to reach decisions and to experience consequences – the forerunners of independence and self-determination.”

Best of luck to you and your daughter.